My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize