Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
