Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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