Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am midnight drunk by noon
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize