I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
