Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you traded sex for a burrito?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
