You're completely useless in the revolution.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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