Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have demons in me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
