I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
