I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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