can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Boobs are out for the taking
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
