My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The best revenge is premature balding
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
