so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
