I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
