You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
