Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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