she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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