I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
