They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
