I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
