the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
