Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
