i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize