She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
