He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
