i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
