So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
