just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
