Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize