who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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