Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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