I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
