i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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