She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
