I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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