I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do vagina's smell?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
