pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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