Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
