TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
