so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
