when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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