i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
