i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm always down for nudity.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
