what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You can't just leave with hair like that
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
