If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
