I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
