We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
