No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
