I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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