Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
