who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
