my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
