Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
