No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
why do cheetos always look like penises
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
