I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Your dad touched me again.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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