Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
