It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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