so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
