Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
