Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize