I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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