literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize