Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
