Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
