I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
