We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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