i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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