i don't like sucking hair
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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