i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
