I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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